Harry Potter and the Mary-Sue
by ittybittytreefrog
Summary: Harry Potter and the gang meet a Mary-Sue. Be forewarned I am insane and disturbed.


Harry Potter and the Mary-Sue  
  
*Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione are entering the great hall after getting off the Hogwarts express*  
Harry: I hear there's going to be a transfer student this year.  
Ron: Yeah and I hear she's HOTT!  
Hermione: *glares at Ron*  
Dumbledore: I have an announcement to make. This year we will have a new student. She is starting in fifth year. she has been put in Gryffindor because that is the only way for her to interact with the main characters in this fanfiction. Enjoy the feast! Oh yes, her name is Amethyst Crystals.  
Amethyst: *walks in. she is spectacularly beautiful. she has long black hair with red streaks and dark purple eyes*  
*all heads turn towards her*  
Harry: *stands there awstruck*  
Amethyst: Hello, my name is Amethyst. I am part veela.  
Harry: Hi, I'm THE Harry Potter  
Amethyst: Oh yeah I have heard of you but I'm not at all impressed because I am perfect in every way.  
Harry: *still goggling at her beauty*  
Hermione: Hey do you like Arithmancy?  
Amethyst: Are you kidding? It's my FAVORITE class! And my best subject!  
Hermione: I think we'll be best friends!  
Scene changes to potions class  
*Hermione is working with Ron and Harry is working with Amethyst because they are madly in love*  
Harry: So where are you from?  
Amethyst: I am a transfer from Beaxbatons and America because the author couldn't decide.  
Harry: How is that possible? And why are you the top in every class and smarter than Hermione?  
Amethyst: That's because I'm a Mary-Sue.  
Ron: What's that?  
Amethyst: It's someone who is perfect in every way and is put in fanfictions to get on the reader's nerves.  
Harry: Oh is that why Dumbledore likes you so much?  
Amethyst: No, that's because I'm his grand-daughter.  
Harry: So then why do you have different last names?  
Amethyst: umm...  
*Snape walks up to them*  
Snape: No talking! 10 points from Gryffindor!  
Amethyst: Shut-up you !!!  
Snape: *looks appalled* what did you say?  
Amethyst: Why are you so mean to Gryffindors? Why do you have greasy hair?!?!? WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE?!?!* Throws a dagger at the back of the classroom. It hits the center of a target that magically appeared there just now*  
Snape: Wow, that was impressive dagger work. 10,000 points to Gryffindor even though that had nothing to do with potions class. You are now my new favorite student.  
Draco: What about me?  
Amethyst: Don't worry I'll hit on you later in the fanfiction.  
*bell rings and they all walk up the common room*  
Amethyst: Wanna see what I can do? *apparates to the other side of the room*  
Hermione: You can't apparate on Hogwarts grounds!!!!!  
Amethyst: Oh yeah, sorry about that.  
Harry: Hey wanna go-AAAHHHH!!!!!  
*Voldemort appears*  
Voldemort: I have come to kill you Harry Potter!!!  
Amethyst: Not if I can help it, VOLDEMORT!!  
Ron: Wow, you said his name! *looks impressed but not at all appalled by the fact that Voldemort is strangling Harry*  
Harry: *gurgle*  
Amethyst: Oh, yeah. *throws a dagger at Voldemort*  
Voldemort: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!*Just before dying he points his wand at Amethyst and says "Avada Kedavra!"*  
*A blast of green light hits Amethyst and she falls over unconscious*  
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOO! *Runs over to Amethyst, crying* Please don't die!!!!  
Ron: What are you so upset about? She was annoying and vain and she beat me at chess!  
Harry: Didn't you read the script, stupid? When a Mary-Sue dies all the other characters are supposed to mourn and be sad until she comes back to life in future chapters!  
Amethyst: You don't have to wait that long, Harry. The author is too impatient so I'm back to life now!  
Harry: YAY!! I love you!!!!!  
Hermione: jeez, get a room. *rolls eyes*  
Amethyst: Now that Voldemort is defeated and the readers have all vomited on their computer screens, what should we do?  
Ron: I know, let's have an end of the year feast!  
Hermione: But it's only the beginning of the year!  
Harry: Shut-up Hermione, you're ruining the plot!!  
Hermione: What plot?  
Harry: Good point.  
Amethyst: What's that? Oh, ok. The author just told me that she doesn't feel like adding to this fanfic anymore so the world is going to be taken over by giant evil baboon-like cherry tomatoes.  
Harry: Darn, and I was just beginning to realize that Malfoy isn't evil after all and was just abused by his father and if this was slash we would be making love!  
*Suddenly a swarm of giant evil baboon-like cherry tomatoes fly in. What follows is shrieking and havoc and chaos. Then the world explodes and only Amethyst lives because she is immortal of course.*  
Author: *Walks up to Amethyst* Well if they're not annoyed at you now, I've lost my touch  
Amethyst: What are you talking about? Everyone loves me!  
Author: Too bad I have to kill you now  
Amethyst: *laughs evily* No one can kill me!!  
Author: *Laughs evily-er* Wanna bet? *takes out a pink eraser and erases Amethyst*  
Amethyst: Noooo!!!!*is erased*  
Author: Well that was interesting. *vanishes w/o a trace*  
We interrupt this fanfic with a commercial break. EAT AT DENNY'S EAT AT DENNY'S EAT AT DENNY'S!!!!  
END. 


End file.
